I'll start off with Mothers Day, which was great. I got breakfast in bed. I got a bouquet of flowers, and a flower hanging basket. Then we went to a cookout at Jasons mothers house. The day before Mothers Day, I went and bought a bouquet of flowers that my kids picked out for my mother. Talk about feelings being crushed. The kids walk in and hand her the bouquet and she yells for her husband to put them in the sink. Her husband kind of threw them in the sink. Immediately I became pissed off, and said "Mom, can you at least put them in a vase?" Only after I said that did she put them in a vase. No hug. No I love you. No "these are the prettiest flowers I've ever seen". Needless to say, I left shortly after that. We then headed to Jasons mothers to give her the same bouquet that I gave to my mother. She immediately gushed over them, put them straight into a vase, and hugged and kissed me. Jasons mother, mind you, not mine. I immediately burst into tears, and began to tell her how much my mother hurt my feelings.
May8th was my sisters birthday. We're on talking terms, but far from being sisters. But at least I picked up the phone and called her. She thanked me. The conversation lasted less than five minutes, as she had company. I then phoned my mother and said you really need to call your daughter. She begged me to send her an ecard. And for some reason, I can't find any that are free. So I sent her an email from my mother, which my sister knows comes from me. When I was at my mothers the day before mothers day, my mom had made a comment on whether my sister would send her an ecard or not. I being the bitch that I've been lately with these new medications told her that she did not deserve a card. And told her flat out that she needs to stop playing it easy and safe behind a computer screen with an email and make a true attempt with a phone call. This conversation has taken place now for a few days. My mother claims that she doesn't know where to start, and that she doesn't know how to love. That part I can agree to. Enough about that.
I have been a rollercoaster. I have no energy these days. Jay tries to get me out of the house to brighten up my spirits, but it doesn't work. I'm not sure if him being home all the time is getting on my nerves or not. I researched my new medication, and it said you'll feel more down than usual in the beginning, but you must ride it out to feel better. It's been a bitch. I'm not even two weeks into this medicine yet so I sat down and explained to Jay exactly how I felt. I told him I have no energy for housework, and very little patience. I'm amazed at how bored I am lately. Usually I'm the type of person that can find something to do. I would have to say that my anxiety level is down. Now it's just this damn depression that has me up and down. I know that this pill is not a miracle pill, and that I myself have to change my entire mood. Today I took off and came to my best friend Faiths, leaving Jason in charge of the kids and dinner. What a relief. HUD comes out tomorrow to do their yearly inspection. They have to walk through my entire house. For someone like me who stresses housework like nobody else, it has me in a tizzy. Luckily, the kids get out a half a day early, so at least their rooms will be clean before she comes out, which only means one thing...Our cleaning cd, which is the Kings of Leon, if you don't know who they are by now, you're deprived of many things. Together we'll work as a team and get that house clean. But in my ticking mind, Wednesday 2pm-4pm cannot come fast enough.
I haven't blogged for a few days because I've been feeling so negative, and I don't want to write negativity all the time. When does this cycle end? There's times I'm happy and calm, and other times it seems like I have no emotions at all. Jay listens when I talk to him and tell him how I feel, but you can't convince me now that he truly understands.
I guess that's all for now. Ta-ta.